THOSE SPECIAL MOMENTS
My mom has really been doing great the last couple of weeks. Will it last? Who knows, and for how long? It doesn't really matter. I just hold on tightly to all the love that she fills my heart with, and all the smiles she adds to my face.
Today my mom started to speak to me in Yiddish. I think I recall that my grandfather spoke alittle of it when I was young. Although he came here as a child from Europe he learned to speak perfect English. My mom sounded great and I was teasing her about her "new" language. I requested some lesssons from her, for as a child I never heard my mom speak Yiddish. As I hung up the phone, I laughed and was totally amazed ,for my mom who cannot remember what she ate for breakfast, is now easily speaking in another language to me. Who know's where this came from. I immediately called my brother and shared it with him and his response was "are you serious, mom's speaking Yiddish". I answered, "I sure am".
Just the other day I shared with my mom what I had recently written about her. I told her the title, "My Very Special Mom". She thanked me and said that it was quite a compliment to her. "Mom, if I didn't mean it I would not say it". We both laughed and she said that it was still very sweet of me to say these things. To keep mom's mind stimulated I asked her to spell compliment". Mom spelt it correctly. I then asked her to spell several other words, which she also correctly spelt. Then out of the blue, my mom said "I don't want to spell anymore. "Why"?, I asked. My mom replied with that she was in bed and didn't care if she spelt or not.
"Mom it's 11AM why are you in bed"? As if I was hearing a young child my mom said, she did not know that it was so early, and asked me what should she do"? "Mom are you tired"? Mom answered with that she didn't know. She suddenly went from spelling and sounding so sharp, to now sounding like a lost child.
Here I go again with this overwhelming feeling of how I just want to hold her in my arms and to cradle her like a child. I want to have her near me to tell her not to be afraid that everything will be fine. Yet I know this is not how it will be.
Is it my mom that I want to hold or is it the fears that lie deep within me? These feelings came to me from my heart not from my head. They can at moments scare me, and at other times I forget about my mom's illness and am able to just love the special moments, that we still can share.
There seems to be alot more attention to Alzheimer's lately. I have listened and read in much detail about different findings and the optimistic feelings by neuroscientists who believe that there will be a major breakthrough within fifteen to twenty years. This will not help my mom or the millions of people who now suffer around the world with this disease. It probably would not even help me if I were to get Alzheimer's, yet I can only imagine and pray for a world free of this disease. A disease that only the families that are stricken with can truly understand. A disease that somehow can wipe away a whole person life as if it never existed, leaving them with absolutely nothing.
So for now my mom and I still get to sing and laugh and I get to love her so completely, as she still puts a smile on my face and joy in my heart. What we now can share are very special moments that I will always treasure.