KISSES CLOSE TO MY HEART
The last several weeks my mom has not been as vibrant or sharp as in the past. She has been both connected and disconnected. This was what my brother had been feeling, which left him thinking, that she may shortly have to go into a nursing home .
My interpretation was a little different. Mom does not wander, and she has still been able to be alone in her home after her caregivers depart for the night, without too many occasions of disturbances . Since her money is dwindling ,in the near future she will have to go on Medicaid, and then be placed into a nursing home.
One day this week I was able to catch mom with a conversation that delighted me. It's not that what she said made much sense, yet she sounded to me both upbeat and jovial. She was definitely confused with who was who ,yet I so badly wanted to experience all the silly things that she was sharing with me.
It began when mom questioned me about my name."Mom, my name is Lisa." With that she started to laugh as she so heartily said, and with excitement ,that she had the same name as me. "Mom, I thought your name was Ruth." She so proudly answered with my name is "Lisa Ruth Elian." She continued to say that she and I had the same name, which she thought was quite funny. I smiled and quickly thought that maybe she wanted to have the same name as me, because of her love for me. I did not feel upset, and trying to convince her of anything else, would do absolutely no good. Harmlessly I played along.
I continued with telling her that everyone loved her. With such surprise in her voice she shouted "really, I did not know that everyone loves me." "Mom that is because you are so sweet."She then shared with me how much she also loves her mother, as if she was still alive. I quickly decided not to tell her how long ago her mom passed away, and just allow her fantasies to continue.
She then asked, "what's your name again?" As we continued on, she repeated the same conversation. She then wanted to know when I would be visiting, which is a question that she frequently asks of me. After explaining that I lived far away, in New York, she quickly remembered by saying,"oh I forgot you live there," as she started reminiscing about the city that she was born and raised in.
Today's call as it was ending, I made sure that I would collect my kisses from her. Mom did throw them to me, yet she said that she tried two times and nothing came out of her lips. "Yes mom I did get your kisses and I put them in my pocket." She then wanted to know, sounding like an innocent child, how I could do that. I declared that it was magic. "You threw them, I caught them, and they are now my kisses, that I can always keep close to my heart." Mom let out a giggle.
Lucky, lucky me for her sweet enduring kisses. They will remain today and always, in my pocket which lies very close to my heart.