IS THIS A DREAM OR A NIGHTMARE ?

 IS THIS A DREAM OR A NIGHTMARE ?

On Saturday around 10:30 in the morning I received a phone call from Elaine my mom’s caregiver.  Elaine phoned to tell me that since she could not reach my brother she would like permission to take my mother with Trudy, her daughter and her grandson to the beach.

My answer was that I thought it was a lovely idea, and shared with Elaine how my mom use to love to go to the beach.  I also explained to Elaine that I thought it would be quite difficult for my mom to actually walk on the beach and be in the hot sun.  I reminded her that because of mom’s macular degeneration the bright sun and the reflection of the water would blind her vision.  I was just happy that my mom would be getting out and had total trust in Elaine and Trudy.

That was the last time in two days that I had any contact with my mom or her caregivers.  I speak to my mom everyday and after not being able to reach anyone, no matter what time I tried or whose number I called, by early evening on Sunday, I started to feel concerned and frightened.

On Sunday I was with my son during the day, so I was a little preoccupied. I actually had forgotten that I was unable to reach my mom.  I now wondered that if my mom was in a hospital my brother or Elaine would have surely contacted me.  Could all the phone circuits be out of order in Florida?  I knew that was highly unlikely.  Finally that evening my brother called me back around 9PM and reassured me that he had spoken to my mom around 12:30 that day. He agreed with me that I had a reason to be upset for neither Elaine or Trudy answered their cell phones or called me back after leaving several voice mails. They split the twelve hour shift of taking care of my mom, so where were they? My mom’s phone just rang and rang, and all I was left with was total silence.

I tried again between 8PM and 8:30PM when my mom is ready for bed.  Still at this time her telephone just continuously rang. Where could she be?  I felt so helpless and there was absolutely nothing I could do.

As I went to bed I had a thought of what it might feel like when I can no longer speak to my mom. There was a feeling of a hole and an empty space in my life.  When I finally fell asleep that night I had a dream about by mom.  It was a lovely dream.  My mom was by a beach or a nursing facility, and she seemed to have come back to life.  She was changing her clothes and having conversations with other people, not exactly as my mom use to be, yet she seemed free of Alzheimer’s.   My mom appeared to be whole. The dream was so surreal.  Yet when I awoke the feelings of heaviness were still with me.

Was it the fears of knowing that one day even if my mom is still alive I may not be able to speak to her? That I may not hear the sound of her voice?  Or was it a deeper fear, that one day my mom will be gone.  I have so many feelings, although on most days I seem to be able to stay in the moment. For the moment is truly all that I have.

Was I upset because I could not speak to my mom or was I upset for the unknown? Did I awake to a dream or was it a nightmare, disguised in its own reality?  As I speak to other adult children whose parents have Alzheimer’s this seems to be a similar fear.  We sit, we wait, we watch as our parents slowly disappear from this world.

FACT – Every 68 seconds someone in the United States is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Currently there is no prevention and no cure.

LITTLE THINGS CAN MEAN ALOT

LITTLE THINGS CAN MEAN ALOT

My mom grew up with a love of books . In the summers her parents took her to the country where she would spend hours reading under a tree. I remember as a child, how my mom delighted in sharing this experience with me. My mom loved words as much as she loved reading. One of her favorites books was "Gone with the Wind".

My mother was born in 1924 and in her teens there was no such thing as a televison. I think that her mind and love of reading made it possible for her to only imagine and see what it might have been like to travel the world. My mom always had a quest for learning something she took well into her aging years.

Today my husband and I were going to see a tour of the New York Public Library( 42nd St & 5th Ave.). It is a treasured New York City Landmark. Probably rated as the greatest library in the United States and ranked very high in the world. The collection of books and the beauty of this institue can take ones breath away.

Yet I, as a young child did not share my mom's love of literature. I excitedly shared with her about my planned trip to visit the library which she had very little response to. She did say "oh are you going to buy a book"? So somehow, my mom was able to connect the dots in what a library might be. Her love of literature, reading and words are all but now gone. Yet she still can spell and is actually pretty good at it.

Her disease has not only stolen from her most of memory, it has also stolen her love of reading. With macular degeneration and no concentration reading for my mom seems to be impossible.

I tried to lighten the conversation ,probably more for myself than her, and shared with her that maybe one day "our book"will appear on the shelves of the library. Mom answered with "maybe one day, one never knows".

I smiled to myself because somewhere as my mom slips away there always seems to be some shimmer of light as her words of reason still flow from her.

This may not seem like a miracle for most people, yet for someone who has had Alzheimer's for at least 7-8 years my mom seems to be holding on. Of course not in many ways, yet the ways that are left for me are stilll so dear to my heart.

Each day I get to love my mom some more and to share with her whatever we have left. Each day that I hear her say to her caregiver when I phone ," oh my daughter's on the phone" means more to me than words can really say. So to my mom who has become my best friend I will also say "little things can mean alot". Thanks mom, for who you are.

THOSE SPECIAL MOMENTS

THOSE SPECIAL MOMENTS

My mom  has really been doing great the last couple of weeks. Will it last? Who knows, and for how long? It doesn't really matter.  I just hold on tightly to all the love that she fills my heart with, and all the smiles she adds to my face.

Today my mom started to speak to me in Yiddish.  I think I recall that my grandfather spoke alittle of it when I was young.  Although he came here as a child from Europe he learned to speak perfect English.  My mom sounded great and I was teasing her about her "new" language.  I requested some lesssons from her, for as a child I never heard my mom speak Yiddish.  As I hung up the phone, I laughed and was totally amazed ,for my mom who cannot remember what she ate for breakfast, is now easily speaking in another language to me. Who know's where this came from. I immediately called my brother and shared it with him and his response was "are you serious, mom's speaking Yiddish". I answered, "I sure am".

Just the other day I shared with my mom what I had recently written about her. I told her the title, "My Very Special Mom". She thanked me and said that it was quite a compliment to her. "Mom, if I didn't mean it I would not say it". We both laughed and she said that it was still very sweet of me to say these things.  To keep mom's mind stimulated I asked her to spell compliment". Mom spelt it correctly. I then asked her to spell several other words, which she also correctly spelt. Then out of the blue, my mom said "I don't want to spell anymore. "Why"?, I asked. My mom replied with that she was in bed and didn't care if she spelt or not.

"Mom it's 11AM why are you in bed"? As if I was hearing a young child my mom said, she did not know that it was so early, and asked me what should she do"? "Mom are you tired"? Mom answered with that she didn't know. She suddenly went from spelling and sounding so sharp, to now sounding like a lost child.

Here I go again with this overwhelming feeling of how I just want to hold her in my arms and to cradle her like a child. I want to have her near me to tell her not to be afraid that everything will be fine. Yet I know this is not how it will be.

Is it my mom that I want to hold or is it the fears that lie deep within me?  These feelings came to me from my heart not from my head. They can at moments scare me, and at other times I forget about my mom's illness and am able to just love the special moments, that we still can share.

There seems to be alot more attention to Alzheimer's lately. I have listened and read in much detail about different findings and the optimistic feelings by neuroscientists who believe that there will be a major breakthrough within fifteen to twenty years. This will not help my mom or the millions of people who now suffer around the world with this disease. It probably would not even help me if I were to get Alzheimer's, yet I can only imagine and pray for a world free of this disease. A disease that only the families that are stricken with can truly understand. A disease that somehow can wipe away a whole person life as if it never existed, leaving them with absolutely nothing.

So for now my mom and I still get to sing and laugh and I get to love her so completely, as she still puts a smile on my face and joy in my heart. What we now can share are very special moments that I will always treasure.

MY VERY SPECIAL MOM

MY VERY SPECIAL MOM

I just booked a flight to see my mom on Mother’s Day weekend (May 2012). I realize that it is still several months away, yet I seem to get excited and thrilled about visiting my mom.  I am going to phone her right away to share my excitement with her.

"Hi mom, I just called to tell you that I will be visiting you in a couple of weeks”. “Oh great, are you coming alone”?  “Yes mom, I am coming on Mother’s Day weekend because you are my favorite mom”.  My mom laughs aloud and answers with,” that’s great because you only have one mother”. “Yes mom, and even if I had a few mom’s I promise that you would still be my favorite”. My mom then said " I love you".  I wasn't totally sure what I heard my mom say, so I asked her to repeat it. Mom then said, "I almost said I like you, except I really love you".  I answered with "wow mom you just melted my heart".

3 Years Ago

Most everyday that I speak to my mom she would ask me when I am coming over.  She says that she thought I would have visited her just the other day.  I try to explain to her that I live too far away.  Sometimes my mom tells me to take the bus or subway and does not comprehend how far I live.  Sometimes she says” oh I forgot you live so far away”.  I’m in New York and my mom is in Florida.  It gets me sad, that I cannot just get in my car or on the bus or the subway, as she suggests, and visit her for a couple of hours each day.   It seems to put a pang in my heart that she does not understand why I cannot visit her more often.

 I explain to my mom that I’ll be visiting again shortly.  Does time, weeks or days mean anything to her?  Not really, everything is just rolled into one day, one moment; one time for this is all she knows, and all that she is capable of remembering.

As usual, as I leave my mom, she has no memory of my visit.  Yet I know that I just saw her, and for me, at this moment, this is all that is important.  When I return this May (2012) from seeing my mom she will not remember.  Yet to me she is my mom, my very special mom and I wish to celebrate with her all the love I have for her.

 I so much cherish the times that we still have together.  Some days seem to better than others.  Alzheimer’s is such a strange disease, on the way that it comes and goes.  My mom and I are still able to share some smiles and joys together and I know that I must keep looking for the rainbow.  Yes, to me, she will always be, my very special mom.

PRINCESS RUTHIE, MY HERO

PRINCESS RUTHIE, MY HERO

3 Years Ago

I try to spell with my mom a lot so I may keep her mind active and stimulated.  Does this really help?  I’m not really sure, although today in 2012, I continue to spell with her. I  really enjoy doing this exercise with my mom.

 Several years ago mom use to mention from time to time about these men that were flirting with her. She’d tell me that even though she’s a princess, since I called her Princess Ruthie, she still had to clean her house(which she no longer could do) and she’d then break into singing “Que sera, sera, the futures not ours to see que sera,sera”.  At these times Ruthie was so up and seemed so happy.  It was times like this that I totally enjoyed rejoicing with her.  How I had loved and cherished her happiness and enthusiasm.  It didn’t matter where it came from, it just made me so happy to hear her so happy.  Whatever world she might have been in, it did not matter.  My mom no longer tells me about the flirting men or how she is busy cleaning her house.  That was then, and this is now.

February 2012

Mom still sounds on most days cheerful although I know that she is struggling to hold on.  We can no longer have any real conversations and her words of wisdom have pretty much disappeared.  When I say something to her she will answer with a two to three word response.  Sometimes what she says makes perfect sense, and at other times I need to understand what she is trying to say (mean).

Yet Ruthie is still a pretty good speller.  We have been reciting the whole A-Z alphabet song where my mom gets giddy as she is reciting.  We then start with A and go all the way to Z as mom spells correctly on her own, almost every word I ask her to.  This still amazes me because it certainly takes a memory to spell, especially since mom is not even writing anything down.

The other day when we were done spelling and having  fun, my mom made a serious comment that her mind was not working.  I quickly responded with “mom you have a very good mind ,how can you say that, didn’t you just spell the whole alphabet”?  My mom said nothing. There was just total silence.

At moments like this it definitely seems to be getting more difficult.  I often wonder when my mom says something like that, what is she really thinking. The good thing is that no matter what she immediately thinks, her thoughts are then wiped away, like a ship that is lost at sea.  Lost in her memory for she cannot hold onto anything that she just said, or even imagined.  

I take one day at a time and somehow my mom is still doing pretty well.  She is a strong lady and her spirit has captured my heart in so many ways.   My mom Ruthie ,remains my hero.

COMING HOME

 COMING HOME

Frank Sinatra sang about his home town New York City, and for my mom and dad this was their home where they were born and raised. My parents left and moved to Florida in 1987 just before my son Logan was born. I have tried since my mom has been ill, to move her back to her home town. Mom's answers have always remained the same.

My mom seems to have bounced back to where she was, before her two frightening episodes of hallucination( which was caused by a UTI infection). This episode landed my mom in the hospital two times just a few weeks ago. I'm absolutely thrilled, knowing how good she is now doing, and I also know that it is temporary. Maybe we'll be lucky and maybe mom will stay how she is for a while . This is all one BIG maybe.

Anyway several days ago when my mom expressed how she missed me and wanted to know when I would be coming to visit . I surprised her with "mom why don't you come and visit me in New York".
I know that this is impossible for her to take this trip, yet mom answered with a "maybe". "Great mom we can go to the Empire State building" which at that moment I really believed that my mom had remembered this landmark. Ruthie replied with "I don't know, it's very high". "Okay mom instead we can enjoy a boat ride around Manhattan" which mom laughed about.

Yes, my mom will be coming back to the city sooner than later. For I want to be near her, and so when she does return ,she will be moving into a nursing home. One that is close to my home so I can visit with her several times a week, and take care of my mom, the way many years ago she took care of me.

Two Years Ago:

Elaine had suggested to me that instead of Logan and I coming to Florida in 2010  to visit my mom, perhaps she should bring my mom to New York.  My initial reaction was one of excitement,” oh great I could take her out to some of her favorite places”, only to follow immediately with reality.  That would not have worked at all.  The summer in 2009 when my mom came to visit with my brother she became more disoriented and even though my husband, my son and I were all with her it was extremely hard on all of us, especially my mom.   I am now living in a new home; one my mom has never stayed at.   I told Elaine that it would be much better for Logan and I to go to mom’s home, a place that my mom felt safe in.  My heart felt heavy knowing that my mom’s last trips to visit me or any other place were now all in the past.  My mom would never see my new home, and if she did she would never remember it.   

My mom ,my hero, I know that one day soon, I will be bringing you back home. Your home called New York City .

A DAY FILLED WITH SUNSHINE

A DAY FILLED WITH SUNSHINE

Today was a really good day for my mom as were the last several days.  My heart seems to go up and down with lightness and heaviness depending how my mom is doing each day.  I know this has to be a normal response and I do not question it.  I just know that this is how it is ever since my Ruthie became ill with Alzheimer's.

Fortunately for us my mom still has enough good moments for me to have a smile on my face and to delight in our daily phone calls. Just today I said to my mom after we sang several somgs that neither of us remembered the words to, "Mom, are you my sweetheart", and my Ruthie answered with, "no how could we be, we're both girls. If you were not a girl then I could call you sweetheart".  We both laughed and at that moment, I think even mom understood how silly our converstion was. It really does not matter I just love hearing the sound of my mom's laughter .

The next part of what I'm about to share was at a moment that my heart felt quite heavy.  It goes like this:

As I sat in the waiting room for a tour of another nursing home for my mom, I was left in deep thought and feeling rather sad.  I have seen the dementia floors in several nursing homes only to keep feeling that my mom was not ready for this. Although my mom's illness will progress I know that she has some life left in her. Bringing her to one of these places will probably really upset her and the thought of it seems to sicken me.

My husband has been touring these facilities with me and we are sadly starting to speak about our own mortality and what might lie ahead for us. I'm sure that if my mom could reason, and truly understand what her illness will be doing to her, as it progresses ,she'd probably wish deep in her heart to be able to say goodbye now.

My mom on most days seems happy, yet she has no idea what day or year it is. She knows not where she lives nor can she remember most of her life. I've often described her mind like a blank canvas. It is amazing that Alzheimer's can just remove ones life as if it never existed. My mom has no idea what is happening in the world (which may not be such a bad thing). And although my mom does not remember that I just called or visited her, I know that she can still feel all the love I have for her.

Life can be great and life can be wonderful. Life can also be cruel and hard. None of us know what lies ahead , so we must truly be happy and thankful for each new day that we have. These days are truly a gift.  I know that my mom only wishes for me a day filled with sunshine.

MY BEST BUDHA NAMED RUTHIE

MY BEST BUDHA NAMED RUTHIE

My mom came alive again today.  Just several days after her return home from the hospital, mom is back.  Except I know better now, and that is, that my mom will never really be back and yet she has moments of  having her senese of humor , her wit and her wisdom all rolled into her petite silhoulettte.
Mom only wanted to know when I would be visiting her. Ruthie was aware that I lived in New York and she in Florida. We laughed, we sang and we celebrated just being alive.

"Hi mom how are you"? "I'm good and do you want to hear something crazy"? "Sure mom", I replied.
"There is this picture hanging on a wall that is the same exact picture that hangs in my home". "Well mom you are in your home". Mom answered with a uncertainty in her voice, "I am"?. "Mom do you know who you are talking to"? Mom said I don't know and then corrected herself rather quickly with saying "my best friend".  I decided to play along with her.  She then told me, like she has for the last several years that I was funnier than Milton Berle. "Okay mom who is Milton Berle"? Ruthie answered, "I don't know". There was a time not so long ago, when my mom would say the same expression to me.  The differnce was, she then knew that Milton Berle was a famous comedian. Not anymore.

My mom's disease has opened up my heart and soul and has deepened my love and respect for her and others. Through what may look like a tragedy to some has opened for me a caring loving safe space. A place filled with compassion and understanding  that somehow seems different than before.

My mothers courage and strength has so deeply inspired me. Her words of joy and love has enlightened my heart.  My mom named Ruthie has become my budha.  Not only has she blossomed ,she has opened my heart to reach out to others and for this we share our story.

FACT- Every 69 seconds someone in the United States is diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

IS MY CUP HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL ?

IS MY CUP HALF EMPTY  OR HALF FULL ?

I have been walking around with a heavy heart ever since my mom was hallucinating and ended up in a hospital. This was my awakening that my mom was now ready to go into a nursing home. The thought left me feeling so sad and lonely.  My feelings were all filled with much fear of how can I do this to my mom?  What will she say and how will she feel? How could I possibly even think of it?  Was I about to do the right thing? Was this best for my mom? My mom who has expressed many times that she wanted to stay in her home till she dies.  Should I wait a couple of months which would be only prolonging the inevitable? 

All this left me with many memories of my mom and dad and how quickly our lives go by. We sit, we plan and we do not really know if we’ll even be around to fill our dreams.  Lately I have been awakening most mornings to dreams that are still so vivid as I rise out of my sleep .  Before this episode I was enjoying my mom completely.  I guess one could say that I looked upon the situation with that my cup was half full, not half empty. Several years ago after I realized that my mom had Alzheimer’s I had decided to cherish every second left that I still could share with her.

Today when I called my mom I was able to have such a fun uplifting conversation. It lifted my spirits and had me feeling so much lighter. My mom told me that I  had seven sisters and two brothers. The true facts are that my mom has only one daughter, that is me, and only one son.  For me I was happy to play along with her as we both giggled like teen age girls.  My mom does not remember what is true and to me that makes no difference.  At this point it does not matter.  I guess what I need, or so badly want, is to delight in these cute and humorous conversations whether they make sense or not.

What I realized was that when my mom is sounding so great she might be in la, la land and when I catch her sounding a little down, she may be somewhere in her mind, wondering what is happening to her. I cannot change or take away Alzheimer’s from my mom, yet I can laugh with her and enjoy the moments that we have left.  And guess what, out of my mom’s seven daughters I’m still her favorite one. Lucky, lucky me!  So I wonder, is it better to have my cup half full or half empty? There is nothing I can change other than how I hold everything.  I am grateful for all that we still have left and cannot think about all that is lost. For this my cup will remain half full.

Update:

And in one second our lives can change for today my mom was rushed back to the hospital.  At this moment all I have left is to wonder what is next.

IS THIS A DREAM ?

IS THIS A DREAM?

Dreams are something that we all can relate to. I awoke today to a rather upsetting dream which I thought immediately of my mom.  It was of a woman just lying in what looked like a hospital bed with no movement as if she were almost dead.  To me the image was my mom and it left me feeling quite sad and empty.

I’d like to go back a few days from today and explain what has transpired with my mom.  My mom and I had a magical conversation on the telephone just the other day.  She listened carefully as I read her a section of my blog/book about her childhood.  Mom was delighted and remembered where she was born and where she grew up, her parents, her dear friend Jeanie, and her love of reading books. With enthusiasm she made comments as I read to her.  I hung up the phone and said WOW, this was truly amazing and a moment that I would not forget. 

The next day mom still sounded good and I asked her if she was going to her clubhouse.  Mom said to me “no I am not going to the clubhouse I’m too busy”.   I laughed and joked around with her about what she was so busy with.  “Mom are you going to work, or are you so busy cooking dinner”?  Mom answered no to both.  I was just happy that my mom was able to remember that where she lived had a clubhouse.  Up to now for several years mom claims that there is no clubhouse which was a place she had once enjoyed going to on most days.

The following day when I called in the morning my mom was hallucinating. I could not believe what I was hearing her say.  She insisted that she wanted to go to her house and that the place she now was in was not her home.  You see mom has lived in this home for twenty three years.  A place that she had shared with my dad, a home that she said she will never leave.  Today this was not what she was saying.  I just wanted to hang up the phone and run right over to her.  This is not possible since we live in different states.  I felt so scared.  How could any of this be happening when only yesterday mom was doing so great?

I knew that my brother was visiting my mom today, so I hung up and I called him immediately.  He arrived at moms around 2PM and hours later my mom was still hallucinating. The second my brother arrived mom insisted that they leave, which is something she never wants to do.  She told my brother that she lived with her parents and that she wanted to go home and be with them.  My brother told mom that her parents were no longer alive and my mom insisted that they were.

My brother decided since she was hallucinating for so many hours that he should bring her to the hospital.  Something had to be terribly wrong.  They admitted my mom and found that she had a urinary tract infection and put her on an antibiotic.  I have since learned that this can be common in women who have dementia.  Something my brother and I were not aware of.

The second day in the hospital mom was speaking to me on the phone like she was on speed.  She had sounded the same way as the day she was hallucinating. The only difference was she was now in the hospital which left me feeling a little relieved.

This morning when I spoke to my mom she sounded much better.  I told her how much I missed her and my mom then said “can you come over when I get home”?  Mom, I’d love to but not right away.  Mom then said “Lisa when was the last time you visited me”?  “Mom I was at your home four weeks ago”. Mom then said “you’re not a good daughter that was a long time ago”. “Mom I live in New York and you live in Florida, I cannot just come over”.  Mom then said with such clarity,”oh I forgot that you live in New York”.  I then said “mom would you like to move back to New York so we can be together”. Mom replied, “no I lived there for so many years and being in Florida is now like a vacation for me”.

I shared with my brother this morning that somewhere I feel that when I read to my mom about her childhood, on a very good day for her, that it somehow sparked a memory for her.  A memory like a dream that stayed implanted in her mind.  I might have reawakened for her memoires of long ago that have been lost.   Almost like a dream.  Dreamlike, her strong will of wanting to only go back home and be with her parents.   Was my mom scared while she seemed to be hallucinating or was she perhaps at peace feeling the security and warmth of her childhood and the love of her parents?  Was mom awake walking through her dream?  We all have had dreams that have felt so warm and comforting that we don’t want to wake up from.  Could this be what had happened to my mom?

For the moment my mom seems a little better.  I can hardly express how good it feels.  It gives me glimmers of hope that I know will absolutely not last.  I am trying to stay optimistic and appreciate the time we still have together.   I do not know how long this will last.   I love my mom dearly and she still carries with her so much strength and courage.  My mom continues to inspire me each day, and for this my mom remains my hero.

BABY BOOMER'S & ME

 BABY BOOMER'S & ME

On December 23^{rd 2011} at 7:45 in the morning I was getting ready to go for my yearly physical at my doctor’s office.  As I washed and dried my face, brushed my teeth and continued to get dressed I thought of my mom. I realized how she was no longer able to do any of these simplest things by herself.  Yes, she still can brush her teeth and get dressed and even wash her face, yet the difference for my mom is that unless someone assists her to do any of these things, my mom would never even think of doing them.  When I am with her and tell her that we need to wash, shower or brush her teeth mom asks me, “why”?  She goes to sleep in her clothes so she will not have to get redressed in the morning.  Mom says that this was much easier for her.  She claims that she does not have to wash or shower because she does not get dirty.  All this is coming from a woman that had the pearliest white teeth, which she so proudly brushed several times a day. Mom showered daily and had her hair done professionally once a week. None of this exists in her world anymore. She would never go to a doctor, or visit her dentist to get her teeth examined or cleaned.  My mom would not and could not even think of doing this.  Not in her world.  Not only has Alzheimer’s wiped my mom’s memory of almost everything in her life, it has also left her at moments like a child.  She can hardly  think for herself .

 I wonder how any of this could happen to a human being?  What has crept into her brain or out of it to possibly destroy all of her reasoning, thinking and memory?  This is because my mom has a disease known as Alzheimer’s.  It is a disease that every 69 seconds someone is diagnosed with.  It is a disease that as of now has no cure or prevention even in sight. It is a disease that will affect at least ten million baby boomers if something is not found.

I recently read an article in the New York Times discussing how the baby boomers generation had fought for so many rights, especially the females who now are becoming caregivers for their elderly parents.  It does not matter how old one is, we the children of the 40’s & 50’s are left to watch over and perhaps take care of our aging parents. We need a great deal of money to be able to hire someone to help us care for them. Most of us cannot afford to do that which then leaves us responsible to care for our parents.  The generation that faces this responsibility as of now, is known as the baby boomers. Yes, I am one of them and although it is my pleasure to care for my mom as she had once cared for me, it is something that I had not given much thought about. I have one son and I wonder if I or my husband will have to call upon him to help care for us. I certainly hope not.

FACT-   An estimated 5.4 million Americans currently have Alzheimer’s. By 2050 it is estimated that 16 million Americans will be living with the disease. 

MOM DO YOU KNOW WHAT YEAR IT IS ?

MOM DO YOU KNOW WHAT YEAR IT IS ?

"Hi mom, I just wanted to wish you a Happy, Heatlhy New Year". Mom answered with "oh it's the New Year, what is the year"?  "Mom it's now 2012 and you were born in the year 1924 ."That was a very long time ago",mom replied.

I could see my mom's smile right through the telephone as she said " Lisa, it does not matter how long ago it was, as long as we all have our health and are happy that is all that matters". "Yes mom I totally agree"." Mom, in the New Year I plan to smother you with lots of love", and we both giggled.

The day before New Years I told my mom that it would be the New Year the following day. My mom said " please remind me because I will forget". "No problem mom, and mom I'd like to ask you a question. If today is 2011 what will the New Year be"?  Mom answered with, 2012. I was asking the question to see if my mom could still figure that out. "Oh great mom, I was just testing your intelligence",as I fooled around with her.  We both laughed and then Ruthie said "you know I am intelligent". "Okay mom can you spell intelligence"? Mom said "of course I can", as she rambled off the letters getting 97% correct.

I haven't been spelling that much with my mom lately, which was something that I use to have her do. I had hoped that it would stimulate her memory. My mom still spells most words correctly, which I feel is pretty good. I've been told that will probably be one of the last things my mom will be able to do before she gets worse(since in her youth and adulthood she read a great deal).

I also realized that I haven't been singing with her as frequently as I use to. I think that maybe I've gotten a little lazy, or is it that my mom no longer can have any conversations with me. Ruthie seems to rush me off the phone most days. Yet when I do start to sing she usually joins right in.

I asked mom if she has been dancing ,since my last trip visiting her( the first week of December). Mom said" not really" and after I asked her "why not"(?) Ruthie responded with that she had no one to dance with, and that she did not want to dance alone. "Well mom you could dance with some people at the clubhouse". My mom did not answer me for she no longer knew what the clubhouse was.


You see my mom's life exists just staying alone. She has become a prisoner in her home since she refuses to participate in anything. My brother and I and her caregivers have all tried to have her mingle with other people. Mom sadly has no interest to do anything. This is not her speaking , but her disease. My mom use to love to be with people and it has been several years since she has done that, so unfortunately she has become so inactive that it is quite difficult to get her to do anything. When we do take her out which we try most days, Ruthie does not want to leave her safe haven. As soon as we do get her out she only wants to return back home.

It use to upset me greatly and now I just seem to accept it. Would the socialization have helped my mom? I don't know, maybe?  What I do know is that through the years as I watch my mom get progressively worse, at least she has seemed happy. I have been thankful for this and only hope that through all the love I share each day with my mom that somewhere in her heart she still can feel/remember it. I have this yearning to just scoop her up and hold her tight. Yes my mom is still very much my hero and I love her so.