Wednesday, May 4, 2011
My blogging today is so different than I had expected to be writing about. Last night I watched with my husband the CNN special with Larry King on Alzheimer's disease. During the show my husband turned to me and asked if I was concerned about getting Alzheimer's, especially since my mom suffers from it. In a light way I responded saying not really.
I agreed with the people that were interviewed ,whole heartily, that if there is no cure or prevention( at the moment )why would I even want to know if I had the beginning stages. So I choose not to worry or concern myself now for what might lie ahead.
I awoke this morning from a dream that seemed to leave me in a fog. It was so real and disturbing to me. It was a dream about my dad ,who passed away in 1995(not from Alzheimer's) . He and I were crying while we sat across a table from each other. My dad kept closing his eyes, saying that he did not want to see me, since he could not be with me, or touch me(he was deceased in my dream.) I remember wanting to reach out and hug him and yet I knew that was not possible, since he was a ghost. In all the years since his death ,I do not have that many dreams about him ,and certainly ones that seem so real.
I went to the gym and while I was exercising I thought ;could the dream perhaps been in some ways also about my mom? Yes, it was images from the televison show. Eventually most people who have Alzheimer's, go into the state of not knowing who anyone is and especially their family member's . So I thought, that my dad(who really was my mom in the dream) did not want to look at me for knowing that one day that my mom will no longer know who I am.
For now I can live with the joy, that my mom still knows who I am. Everday I hold on and cherish that so very nuch. Everyday, I look forward to calling her to hear her cheerful voice. Yes, some days are more difficult than others, yet for now ,there seems to be more good days than not.
Is my realization(my dream) that one day, my mom will not know who I am? As for now I need and choose to stay in the space of how lucky I am, that she still does know who I am.
FACT-Every 69 Seconds Someone In The United State Is Diagnosed With Alzheimer's disease.
Finally,Alzheimer's is getting so much attention that it so badly needs. This really is a worldwide epidemic.
Thanks for helping us spread awareness.