Monday, August 22, 2011



Today on the phone my mother was a little in outer space.  Although we we’re able to laugh through parts of it, and she did spell and sing for me, some of the conversations I found a little upsetting.

When I called my mom this morning she told me, like she has done before, that she was dressed and was waiting for this man to come and pick her up.  She kept opening and closing her front door to look out for him, while we spoke on the phone.  I have heard this story from my mom before. This time I got a little nervous.  What would happen if she went outside and got locked out of her apartment or wandered away?  How would she find her way back?  Would the I.D. bracelet help?
Or better yet, is she even wearing it?

 I hung up the phone and left my apartment to go to my Tuesday morning Pilate’s class.   As I walked to my weekly class I felt somewhat troubled and thought that when I arrived in Florida in three days my brother and I would have to have “another” serious conversation about my mom.

When I returned home I called my mom back and asked to speak to Elaine. This was the first time that she did not say “who's Elaine” and this time she said “Elaine my daughter wants to speak to you.”  I spoke to Elaine about what happened this morning and my fears.   Elaine said that this past Saturday morning at 7:50 AM when she arrived that my mom was saying the same things about some man.  Elaine also told me that my mom’s neighbor had told her that sometimes my mom goes outside nude. My mom overheard Elaine telling me and in the background I hear my mom saying that she never, ever does that.  I ask to speak to my mom and like a person who just had a concussion my mom keeps asking me over and over again when I am coming and with whom.  No matter how many time she asks and I repeat it, she just can’t remember.  So I patiently went over it again with her.  I then told her that she would be seeing Gil my brother twice this week for he was picking us up at the airport.  All she kept saying was could I please come today instead and I tried explaining that my plane ticket was for Friday.  Being the mom with all her wisdom she tries to convince me that I can trade my ticket with someone else.

 Regarding Gil who she sees’s every Wednesday she tells me that he never comes and that he never takes her to lunch.  I say mom, “yes he does you just can’t remember it now”.  She asks me to tell her what he does.  I describe to her that my brother comes into her home and the first thing he does is give her a kiss.  My mom lightens up a little and laughs.  I guess she likes that he kisses her.  Actually my mom at different times refers to Gil, my brother, as her husband.  My brother Gil does not resemble my dad at all. They looked totally different and had different coloring.  I then say to mom “lets spell so we can stimulate your brain” and she says” I have no brain” and I say” mom don’t be silly you have a really good brain” and once again we both giggle.

My mom sounds like a lost child when she asks me why she can’t remember anything about Gil ever taking her out, or to lunch.  She asks me to please tell her again.  My heart starts to hurt for her and I think how I just want to kidnap her, bring her back to New York with me, and take care of her.  At times like this I want to put her in my arms and just hold her and tell her not to worry everything will be okay.  As I write about this now, somehow as a child I don’t remember having this kind of nurturing from my mom yet I do remember having this special nurturing relationship with my dad.  I always felt a sense of security and safeness with him, not with my mom.  It’s funny how certain memories of our childhood could have formed us, or perhaps scarred us.  To think that I have been given this second opportunity in life to begin a fresh new loving relationship with my mom filled only with love and respect for her is such a miracle.

When friends tell me how sad it is about my mom I smile and say that for me it has opened doors  and allowed me to have a brand new relationship that I so much cherish, and for this I am so grateful.   For me my story is about a new found love with a mother and daughter. Can you ever ask for more?  I don’t think so!

1 comment:

  1. Yes he does. You just cant remember. Wonder how many times I've said that 4 word sentence.