Thursday, April 28, 2011

Coney Island


My brother sent me an email with a video(You Tube)of Coney Island that I just watched.  Gil my brother ,said that he showed it to my mom today on his weekly visit to her.  Gil wrote that mom seemd to show little reaction to seeing it. Coney Island was where she grew up.  A place that she enjoyed with it's boardwalk,ocean and its fame, for being one of the largest amusement parks.

This sadden me greatly that my mom's childhood ( 1930's-40's) seems to have been wiped away. So sad not to be able to remember her youth, her parents, her brother ,her friends, relatives and most of all my dad , her husband of over 4o years.

Yes, I know that there are small glimpses of her memory that pop up for a few moments from time to time. Only to disappear a few seconds later, leaving her with a mind that becomes like a blank canvas. Or maybe it is just too painful for her, to show any emotion. Most of her friends, her parents and her younger brother are all gone. Maybe mom chooses not to remember. Maybe those happy moments have disappeared because realzing what, and who is left, of her past, is just to painful.

Today on the phone my mom asked me when I could come and visit her. I said "mom I'll see you in a few weeks"(which is not true)since I was just there several weeks ago. Mom said that she remembered although I'm not certain that she did. I expalin to her that I live far away and that I need to get on a plane to come and visit her. I express to her that if we lived near each other then I could drive to see her several times a week. Mom answered, "I understand". I then asked her if she would like to move near me and she laughed and answered that she cannot  move.  That became the end of that conversation, and as I recall  it , this evening, I get a pang in my heart and feel my eyes swelling up with tears.

How much "good" time do I have left with my mom, and how long will she know who I am ? New York and Florida are too many miles apart ! Only, if we could live closer.

1 comment:

  1. Mom refused to move to San Antonio so I could be closer to my duaghter and 3 grandsons, but when it came time to put her in asst living and she said she couldnt move, we just did it. When we had to put her in a nursing home, she wasn't happy, but brother took her out, and I got movers in, and we moved her. She really had no choice, as the doctors said it was a must!! She needed professional help. You may eventually have to act as power of attorney and make tough decisions but just know if you make them in love and for her best interests, that's what is important.

    Mom is NOT interested in anything I show her, but once in a while she'll say, "Is everyone in that picture dead now?" she can't remember their deaths. Thurday she said she found some records of people who had died and didn't remember they were dead. I asked how it felt, and she said, "I had to grieve for them. It hurt." Maybe your Mom feels the same way about her loved ones. I've read we should not tell them over and over someone like a husband is dead because they go through the initial grieving process over and over again. Imagine if Logan died, how you would feel that day. Then let's say you forgot and found out he was dead the next day, and you went through the same initial grief again, and maybe again the next and the next. It's cruel. So sometimes not remembering the past is just easier.