Thursday, June 23, 2011



I keep mentioning to my mom about this memoir/ blog that I am writing, and she says that sounds wonderful.  “Mom it’s about you & me and our relationship”.  Ruthie listens and I mention to her that we use to fight a lot, and how we now get along quite marvelously.  My mom says” we never fought”.  I say,” mom you just don’t remember” and she says, “maybe you think we fought”.  I reply that it really doesn’t matter, because my blog is about how much I love you, our “new” relationship and how much you inspire me, each and every day.  I also include saying to her, that she has become my hero.  Mom says,” oh good “and she sounds totally relieved.

Sometimes I call my mom a little later in the morning around 11AM – 12 noon and she tells me that she is getting into bed.  I ask her if she tired and she responds with a simple no.  I tell Ruthie that it’s lunchtime or late morning and ask why she is going into bed.  Mom tells me that it doesn’t matter.  “I’m just tired of sitting on the chair, my backside starts to hurt, so I just went into bed to rest”.  

From what I think my mom goes to sleep most days for the night between 4-6PM.  She has no recollection of time or day.  She probably awakes in the middle of the night (which to her is morning) and is up for quite a few hours before getting into bed at that early(4PM) hour.  I really hope that she’s still okay being on her own.  I actually do not believe this to be true and since my brother is “watching “over her, in more ways than one ,I need to believe that he is doing the correct thing for her.  There are certainly moments when this upsets me. I'm fortunate that when I see my husband in the evening I get to  share my feelings with him .  Mom does have her caretaker come four hours a day and Elaine has reassured me that my mom is still doing okay.

When children live in different states from their aging parents and one child lives nearby it seems that they in some ways become “in charge”.  So unless I move to Florida which is impossible or unless I can get my mom up to NY I need to trust my brother( which I certainly do).  

At times our relationship through the years has not been close.  For my mom’s sake and because he is my brother I need to make it work and get along with him.   I certainly do appreciate all that he does for her.  For this I am very thankful.  I am also happy that my brother and I, have left our differences behind us, and have become a family again.
FACT- Alzheimer’s disease cannot be slowed or cured.  We all need to take the time to help spread awareness around the world about Alzheimer's. This is a worldwide epidemic.


  1. Studies show it can be slowed. .But not cured.

  2. She's probably sundowning which is common for AD patients. Mom did it for a while after surgery, and I'm convinced that some meds for AD play into this. Sundowning is where they may stay up for 48 hours or only sleep in the daytime and at dark start their day. It's very hard for 24 hr a day caregivers who live with the patient and have to get other things done and then have the AD patient awake and wandering during the night. I hear there are a lot of abuse of AD patients by caregivers due to this exhaustion. I feel comfortable that Mom is with trained nurses who deal with this day in and day out, but get to go home at the end of their shifts and have family time and rest before coming back again. Our home has a nurse only 2 days in a row at any time in dementia ward, so they are not under continual stress. I've seen the ones not trained and those trained and its a huge difference. These never ever raise their voices, get impatient, etc. Its run by a foundation and I was told years ago before I had mom here that they would be fired if they ever, ever was less than kind all the time to a patient. I can see how much more patient they are with Mom than I am. The continual asking of the same question over and over and over and over, gets so on my nerves when I'm there that I do get a little short sometimes in my answers.