Wednesday, June 22, 2011



 On a light note, I seemed to switch places with my mom today.  I became my mom and she became me.  This morning she was trying to help me find my mascara that I had misplaced. While on the phone with my mom I was going to put my eye makeup on, which can easily be done, while I have her on the speaker phone.  I then began to move about, which is what I do from time to time.  While speaking to my mom I cannot find my mascara and under eye concealer.  As we continue to talk, I keep opening and closing the draws in my bathroom vanity where they always are.   I can’t find them so I start getting upset and my mom says” so you’ll go buy new ones”, and I say” that’s not the point.  I always keep them in the same place”.   My mom tells me to check my handbag and to take everything out of the bag.  After emptying my bag, I still cannot find my makeup, she then tells me to retrace every place where I have been.  I look in my handbag again and the kitchen garbage (did I accidently throw them out)?  Ruthie tells me to look in the clothes I wore yesterday, and my robe, which I have already done.  She asks me how much it would cost to replace them, I say maybe $30 dollars “but mom that’s not the point” how can they just disappear?  My mom then says don’t worry they’ll reappear and I start to laugh. 

Did I become her or did she become me?  Did we just trade places?  I didn’t like the feeling of being confused not understanding what had happened to my makeup that is always in the same place, same draw all of the time.  I’ve been with her when she goes through similar episodes and is looking in her handbag for her 4 pairs of glasses.  She seems to wander back and forth trying to find what she has misplaced.  I feel lots of compassion for her as she keeps looking, not understanding what she did with them.  Here I “understanding” what I am doing, yet feeling so confused and frustrated at, how could I have lost my makeup?  Where can it be? What’s happening to me?  Am I in early stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s also?  

Anyway after I hang up I find the makeup, it only fell on the floor behind the toilet. Why didn’t I think of looking there before I went through garbage cans and had an anxiety attack?  

I call my mom back to tell her I found them and she asks where and I start to laugh, and tell her I felt like her for a second, and she replies “why I have a good memory and I don’t lose things”. Sure mom, whatever you say.  She’s still looking for her watch that she can’t find for a year, now she says she never had one! We we’re like the blind leading the blind for a few minutes there although my mom, my hero stayed cool and calm as she told me where to look and it felt real good , my mom once again taking care of me.  What a wonderful warm feeling.  I thank you mom.


  1. loved this. went through it with my own mom and it brought back some wonderful memories.

  2. I just happened upon this blog and post quite by accident but I wanted to tell you what a gift it was to read this tonight. I'm only beginning to come to terms with my Mom's dementia. The grief and the fear is often too overwhelming for me to deal with the way I should, the way I want to, but I am trying hard to find my way back to my Mom. I owe so much to her. I can't abandon her now.

  3. Hi Anne,
    I'm so sorry about your mom. I joined a support group at my local
    Alzheimer Association that has been really great. We laugh, we cry and
    most of all we understand. I really believe that only someone who has
    a family member with this disease can truly understand.
    Where do you live?How old is your mom?
    I have a lot of "uplifting or understanding posts on my blog that you
    might like to read.
    This is the main page.Some will put a smile on your face, some will
    make you laugh and some will touch you in a different way.Please know
    that you can stay in touch with me.
    Sending you hugs,

  4. I lost my car keys recently, and knew they had to be in the house. I used the other set for a day or so. Then I just sat down and retraced the day I lost them. I had been to the grocery store and I came in with my hands full of keys, bags of groceries and I went to set them on the counter where I always do; but my husband had washed our giant slow cooker and it was sitting there in my grocery slot. So I removed it and put it in the bottom drawer of the pantry and went back out to the car and continued bringing in the groceries. So I went to the slower cooker drawer, and sure enough there were my keys. The next day I accidentally threw them in the trash while throwing away sacks. So it gave me a jolt and made me feel compassion for all those "rummaging actions" I see Mom do while looking for her hearing aides, over and over and over (once they were behind her ear and caught in her hair while looking for them.
    They say, we all lose keys, but start to worry when you lose the car.