Monday, June 6, 2011



 Elaine is just wonderful. In November 2009 she picked my mom up to take her to her house for Thanksgiving, and this year she took my mom to her house for July 4th 2010.  Whenever I call and ask if Elaine is there, or if I can speak to Elaine, my mom says the same thing, “whose Elaine”?  She refuses to remember her name.  No way Jose.  My mom tells me that Elaine doesn’t do anything.  Mom says she just sits in the black chair next to her and watches television with her. My mom says” Lisa, I don’t know how to explain to you, I just don’t like her”.  I tell her I hope your nice to her and my mom says” oh I’m never nasty to anyone”.  

Mom does say that Elaine has a nice daughter and son, but not her.  Mom why don’t you like her and she always has the same answer. " Lisa she doesn’t do anything she just sits here".  Mean while, Elaine makes my mom food, makes her shower and get dressed and comb her hair, brush her teeth, change her sheets and towels, runs her wash, makes sure the toilet is flushed(my mom rarely remembers to do that)and straightens up her home.  She takes her to the dentist, gives her vitamins and pills, takes her to the podiatrist, and most of all spends time with her. Elaine struggles with Ruthie to make sure that she gets out for walks and to the mall.

 I tell my mom that Gil and I really like her.  Ruthie says” how you know you’re not with her”?  I say” because you sound great and that you have gained weight since she is with you.  Also when I call, you and Elaine are laughing.  Mom she’s not there to clean your house, she’s there to keep you company”.  I tell Ruthie that Elaine likes her a lot, and she says" she does"?  I didn’t think so because she doesn’t talk to me.  This is the same way she will say that I or my brother never call her.  My mom just imagines this.  Yet the next time it is the very same conversation about Elaine.   In Elaine’s case my mom, always has the same complaint about Elaine and always says the same thing about her. This she remembers all too well. Isn’t that amazing!   When I have asked my mom, why she does not like to go out with Elaine, she replies” because she’s not my type”!   Okay mom I think to myself, and wonder how can you even try to reason with her about that?  Mom says that Elaine tries to trick her.  Elaine asks my mom to take a walk and my mom says Elaine then has her walk to China and back.  Mom says that she’s just not going to walk with her anymore.

Elaine tells me that she took my mom for another haircut.  When my mom gets on the phone she starts to tell me about her haircut that she got yesterday.  She says that they cut her hair so short she has no hair on her neck but that it does look good.  My mom says that they asked her how they should cut her hair, and she told them to do whatever they want, since they know best.  Did you ever try telling a hairdresser that?  You’re lucky if you have any hair left.  Some hairdressers are scissor crazy.  After the haircut, Elaine took my mom out for a pastrami and turkey sandwich. I hear Elaine in the background telling my mom to tell me.  My mom doesn’t recall it yet she’s been telling me over and over again each day about her short haircut.  It’s funny how certain things do stay in her memory/ brain.   I tell my mom that I’m sure it looks good, and tell her that she use to have pixie haircuts, and they looked great on her pretty little face.  I say” mom you can’t glue your hair back it will grow”, and she responds with” well I can glue it front.”  We laugh and I smile at her quick mind and sense of humor. Ruthie has become quite funny.


  1. I understand why your mom doesn't like her caregiver. My dad was actually like her when we introduced his supposed-to-be caregiver. At first, he didn't like her. Well, it's the idea of having a caregiver that he disliked. But when we explained to him that he'll be needing her, he agreed. Anyhow, I can feel that your mom's caregiver was dedicated to her work. I will be praying for you and your mom's well-being. Thank you for sharing this, Lisa.

    1. Hi Theodore,
      I wrote this post back in 2011. My mom now really does like her caregiver. Just after 2+ years she still does not know or should I say remember their names. Elaine and her daughter now split a 12 hour shift. They are so caring and kind.Mom's sweet -on most days everyone really gets along. I'm sorry to hear about your dad as well.Yes I agree with you. I think it was more about them not needing anyone to care for them. I understand totally and can only imagine how I will feel when and if the time comes.Hoefully never. Thanks for reaching out to me.

    2. Hello, Lisa! :) It's great to know that your mom likes her caregiver now. Even though she doesn't remember their names, I know that they understand her for being like that. What's important is that your mom is in good terms with her caregivers. Taking care of her is now easier for them.

    3. We are so lucky that my mom now has a mother & daughter combo to care for her.