Tuesday, June 28, 2011


It's ironic that todays post is my wondering if what my mom shared with me actually happened, or if she dreamt it or perhaps imagined it.  It doesn't really matter because to her it was real.

I wanted to share about a dream that I woke up with Sunday morning that had upset me greatly.  My dream went like this : My mom and dad(he passed away in 1995) were going to a formal and my mom needed to wear a gown.  While I spoke to my mom on the telephone my mom shared that she didn't even know what a gown was. I told my mom not to worry that I would help her get dressed .
My mom then said to me "I know who you are I just don't remember your face".  I then awoke and wrote my dream down so I would not forget it, and a little while later I shared it with my husband, and started to cry.  I felt a sadness and heaviness with my heart feeling quite heavy. It was only a dream yet perhaps one day this could be reality. My mom does have Alzheimer's and although I live each and every day in a lighter "space" somewhere in the distance I know this can all change.


Mom actually told me that she remembers going outside today and that she was wearing a dress looking very nice.  She said that this older man came over to her and started flirting with her.   She then said he asked her why she was all dressed up and she said that she was waiting for her daughter to come.  Sometimes she tells me about people saying hello to her outside her door, and that she has no idea who they are, or how they even know her name.  

I choose not to say to her “yes mom you probably know them and just can’t remember who they are”.  Why would I ever want to hurt her, especially if she could understand the full meaning of what I said?  Yet I did say mom, you could have said you ‘re sorry you don’t remember their name” and my mom immediately says “no, I just don’t know them”.

 Was this a dream she had about the man with her dress, a delusion, or was she just making it up?  When I tell my mom that she’s so sweet, she answers, I don’t know if I’m so sweet I just know I’m not sour and again we both laugh.  I throw her kisses and tell her how much I love her and she throws her kisses back and says I love you more.  My mom, my hero another good day!

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