When mom answered the phone I said "hi Ruthie" not realizing that my mom did not recognize my voice. We spoke, and for the third day in a row, she did not sound as perky as usual. After we spoke for a while I heard Elaine ask my mom who she was speaking to and my mom answered "my friend".
That was when I reallized that my mom did not know who I was. I realized that I must have thrown her off by saying "hi Ruthie", instead of my always and forever,"hi mom'. You can bet that I will never do that again.
ELAINE HER CAREGIVER (Part 2)
I actually have my own theory of why my mom “refuses” to like Elaine. Elaine represents a disciplinary to my mom and my mom is still sharp enough, and aware and feisty enough, that she thinks she does not need any one to take care of her. Ruthie says she eats, showers and dresses on her own. She questions if we all think that she’s a baby? No mom I don’t think that at all. What I do think and what I do know is that I am so proud of who you are.
It took me a long time to find out what a special lady you are, and to rediscover within myself how much I love you. I do not know how much time we have left before you may not know who I am. So as of now July, 2010 I cherish every phone call, and know that you mom are my hero.
My mom to me was always outspoken and someone who was not afraid to speak her mind. She was always friendly to people she knew, and would smile at strangers. I remember her being willing to speak to almost anyone she came in contact with. Yet when Elaine first came to take care of my mom, my mom refused to go out. Her first venture outside with Elaine was taking my mom out to get Logan a birthday card. My mom refused to go out so Elaine knew that my mom would do anything for her grandson Logan. Elaine told my mom that they were going out to see Logan. I said fearfully, “Elaine, when you get her to the mall and Logan is not there what you are going to say?” Elaine replied,” don’t worry she’ll never remember what I said”. This may sound cruel to you and it is not. Elaine did get Ruthie to go out and that is what is most important.
They do not do much, because as soon as Elaine takes mom out, my mom wants to go back home. At least my mom gets to leave her “safe haven” or prison to take a walk at the mall or to get a haircut. I wish we could get my mom to be more active. That would certainly help. Just to think of how active my mom was, and now how she just likes to stay “safe” in her home. My brother and I have given up. Only if she would be willing to participate in some activities she could be stimulating her brain. I’m not really sure if this would slow down the disease. It would just make all of us all “feel better”.
I think since the patient wants to be independent, they don't want to like any caregiver that might take some of their independence off of them. Mom was always a caregiver; first to her mother and then 40 years to my dad. Now she complains there is no one for her to help. Even her man friend was someone she met at a retirement center who was legally blind with macular degeneration; so she helped him find his way to the dining hall and filled his plate for him.
ReplyDeleteShe says the caregivers at Childers do nothing for her, but when I remind her of all they do, she has no argument. She won't learn their names, even the one she likes, a young man named Jose because he plays volleyball with them. He sets up a net with a large beach ball and they play in their wheelchairs. Mom reigns at this as she was all district mvp in highschool. She asked me one day if I knew of a volleyball league for senior citizens that she could join. Remember she has a replaced hip and is in a wheelchair. Imagine hitting a hard volleyball with 90 year old bones!!
I think your Mom is just showing the normal action of not liking anyone who is doing things for her because she resents not being able to do it for herself.