Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Arriving Back to New York


By the time I arrived back in NY I had only a whisper left, and by the time I woke up in my own bed, the next day, I had literally no voice left to speak.  I did call my doctor and went to see him. Yet because I couldn’t speak I did not call my mom for five days.  How ironic is that.  I knew that I would miss my mom very much.  Did I subconsciously try to distance myself from her?  A thought that crossed my mind, was that I had been protecting myself from wanting to see or speak to her .

 I actively went on a search and got a name of a well known, well respected assisted living facility, or in my mom’s case, a facility that accepted live in patients with Alzheimer’s( located in the Bronx, N.Y.).  This “home” everyone seems to know about and has a fabulous reputation.

The only problem is, as usual, Ruthie says that she not leaving her beautiful home until she’s literally unable to “care for herself” or dies.  So now what do I do?  At this point I can’t make her move and when that day arrives that she needs full care, will she  even remember who I or Logan are? I don’t think so, and I do not even want to think that far ahead .  I choose to enjoy who my mom is today.

It’s amazing being with my mom seeing her go in and out of her reality.  Although she seems so much better, and when I speak to her on the phone she usually sounds great.  I guess if I were to see her every day I would see more and more of how the Alzheimer disease affects her.

In May when I sent my mom a mother’s day card that she never remembered getting, I asked her to please look on her kitchen table, because I knew she received it.  It was one of the many singing cards that I had sent her.  She use to love to open them while I was on the phone, play the music for me and dance to them every morning when we spoke.  She’d tell me to hold on and she would go get them, like a proud child.  She would open each one, and sing to me.  This is something that she does not do anymore.  Anyway she could not find my card so she told me to hold on and she went into her pocketbook and said “I have a lot of cards in my bag.  I have a Discover Card a Visa Card “and I said okay mom that’s not what I was asking about.  Although I laughed to myself and found what she said to be so cute, I also realized how her mind did not understand.

FACT-Alzheimer’s Disease cannot be slowed, prevented or cured. It has become a worldwide epidemic.

1 comment:

  1. This would scare me that she's there 20 hours a day by herself. What if she turns on the stove to cook something and forgets. What if she forgets to lock the doors and bad people come in to rob her. Maybe you guys need to get a power of attorney and get her moved somewhere that has security and assistance, whether she agrees or not. I doubt tha she would remember that she made you promise not to move her if she can't even remember what a card is.